Letter To My Daughters’ Stepmother On Mother’s Day

I suppose we could begin by acknowledging the potential awkwardness that this letter may bring. Human history would say that we should be enemies… that my daughters should hate you as you seek to destroy them. Disney taught us from the time that we were young that stepmothers are evil at minimum and murderous witches at worst.

Most reading the title of this letter may assume that I have decided to publicly mark my territory or correct some perceived slight that occurred by your hand.

However…
I am writing to say thank you.

Yep. You read it correctly.

I am writing from the grateful heart of one mother to another.

Thank you for being who you are to my daughters. Thank you for loving their father in a way that he felt secure in reaching out to them to be a part of their lives. Thank you for helping him find peace and happiness in his life… it has made him a better father to our girls. Thank you for helping to provide stability in what used to be a chaotic and painful situation. Thank you for accepting the girls as a part of your family. Not every woman would open her home or her heart to four daughters that weren’t originally her own. I would tell you about the other woman that was in their lives before you—but trust me, she would get a much different letter from me. Finding comfort or peace when they were with her was literally mission impossible. I’m grateful we have all moved beyond that time of life.

As I sit here on the evening before Mother’s Day and I’m pondering the blessings in my life, I am thinking of you as well. In quite the anti-Disney manner, you have changed how we frame the idea of family. So tonight, I thank you for caring for my girls… for being someone that I can entrust them to when I am not around. Thank you for protecting them, loving them, providing for them, laughing with them… and for making your home a place they can be at home. Thank you for the moments when I didn’t have to worry whether they were safe or having a good time or feeling accepted & wanted. Thank you for celebrating them, comforting them, going out of your way to let them know they are loved. Thank you for being there when you didn’t have to be and for doing things that you didn’t have to do.

Even now as I write this, Candace is spending her vacation with you and her dad… and her heart is content and unbroken.

So as weird as it may sound and as unexpected as it may be, I wanted to say thank you to you for Mother’s Day… not for being their stepmother, but for being their bonus mom. I guess God blesses some with more than one when they need it.

With love & gratitude,
Tomiah